I want to be like this when I grow up!

This man died last Friday from Pancreatic Cancer. But, by all appearances, he lived a very full life. I saw him on Oprah several months ago and watched his "The last lecture" video online. I'm now in the middle of watching his "Time Management" lecture online as well. He has lots of wisdom about life and what seems to really matter. If you have time, check out his videos. He also has a book out now as well. His parents obviously loved and taught him well. Some of his nuggets of truth: "Things don't matter, people do."; "It's better to do the right things adequately than to do the wrong things exceptionally." Sometimes, I need these reminders in my life!

Momma, I'm ready for college!

I had hesitated writing about this subject again for fear that we wouldn't succeed.

But, succeed we have!!! After dreading it like the plaque and even enduring some mild anxiety over it, we have completed weaned our baby, er 3 year old, of her "cassie". It wasn't pretty, but in a matter of days, it's done. Last night, she only asked about it once - major victory! We've even asked ourselves why we didn't do it sooner, but quite frankly, we just weren't ready! But victory is now ours!

Accomplishments of LeeLee this summer are great and mighty:

potty-trained - check!
"Cassie" given up - check!
Can swing herself and pump her legs to go high - check!
Can swim underwater - check!
Toddler bed rail removed - check!

Why, it must be about time for this girl to get her own apartment! Just kidding, I don't want her growing up too fast. But, I am so proud of her, she's come a long way this summer! And she does still need/want me more than any other! A momma's dream come true!

MommaJen: My worst fear

MommaJen: My worst fear

Because I'm such a goob....I wrote this post last week and saved it as a draft and for some reason, it published as last week, even though I want it posted today!!! Hopefully this little link will take you there! I need a blog class people! Oh, who am I kidding? I need a technology class, but I still won't figure it out - I'll just ask Lance to fix it for me!!

Sleepover?

N was scheduled for his first sleepover Friday night at our house. And it all started out well.

We ordered pizza for dinner, the boys played in N's room, we went swimming in the backyard we made smores. And then, it happened. N's friend A said, "I need to go ask my mom something" and since he lives next door, no big deal. Only, he didn't come back. I was headed over to check on him when his mom showed up at the front door. A got nervous and wanted to be home! So, N was EXTREMELY disappointed, but what can you do? They are still very young, so....as a special treat to our two kiddos, we let them start a movie at 9pm and stay up to watch it. This NEVER happens in our house, so it was a big treat!

Saturday I was able to go to a wonderful bridal shower from one of our former students who is all grown up - it was a great time of celebrating their love for one another and starting their lives together. After the shower, we all went to Adamson Lagoon to swim.

Then Saturday night, Lance and I had DATE NIGHT! We went to see Get Smart and then to dinner at Texas Roadhouse (Lance's favorite!)

Today was a day of church and swimming.

And A, the neighbor boy? He ended up spending almost all waking hours with us this weekend. So even though he didn't spend the night, N got lots of friend time, which is really what it's all about!

All in all, a great weekend!!

Her story

Yesterday was little man's story. Today is LeeLee's story (not her real name, just the nickname I've begun using with her!)

When N was about 18 months old, we were ready to begin the adoption process again. I mean it took so long the first time and I really wanted my children to be born in the same decade, perhaps! So, we began the mountain o'paperwork process. We got our medical clearance, our financial statements, our employer references and proof of salary, we had our pastor's reference letter and letters from our friends - all to prove that we in fact could succesfully parent a child again and outfit the said child with diapers, formula, and the mountain o'toys!

Quite honestly we were less consumed the second time around - we had a boy child that we were busy raising after all and so it took us about 6 months to fill out said paperwork. Then, the waiting to wait began.....

There weren't enough prospective adoptive couples with paperwork turned in to hold a seminar (required to adopt) so we waited and waited and waited. I gently and then NOT SO GENTLY began to bug, uh move along our social worker. We were ready! So, finally the first week in June - about 8 months after submitting our paperwork, we were ready for our seminar.

Again, much more relaxed this time, we were able to laugh and joke around with other perspective parents and enjoy this part of the process. We noticed you could completely tell the first timers apart from us repeaters just by the expressions on our faces. We met our friends Becky and Steve at this meeting. How fun to travel up to Dallas and meet a couple from your hometown who also had a little boy and were waiting for #2.

The summer went by pretty fast (as summers always do at our house!) but then things began to happen for other adoptive families from our seminar. There was a couple who matched and ultimately adopted twins, Becky and Steve were matched (and ultimately it failed) and we were growing restless. But, still parenting that sweet boy!

About this time is when my anxiety attacks showed up for the first time. I was so focused on that and trying to get thru life that I forgot about the baby desperation for while (plus how could I take care of a baby when I couldn't get thru the day myself!) As I began to feel more normal at the end of the fall, we went to Dallas for my dad to get his pacemaker/defibrillator installed. While we were at the hospital, we received a call from the social worker.

A birthmom was interested in talking to us and one other couple. We had been down this road before and knew this didn't mean we would get chosen. The other times we'd been in this situation, the other family was always chose. But...you can't help but get excited. We sat in the car in the hospital parking lot and spoke to this young lady on the phone. Her baby was due in January (only 2 months away!) and was a boy. We got excited.

The next day as we were getting ready to head back home and my dad was ready to check out of the hospital, my brother and his wife announced their 3rd pregnancy. Now, we really thought it was meant to me, after all they had announced their 1st pregnancy the night we matched with N's birthmom (see yesterday's post). But, not long after my cell phone rang and it was the social worker. The birthmom had chosen the other couple. I was devastated. I couldn't grieve alone in my own home, I was grieving there in front of my whole family and facing the news of my brother's 3rd child when I couldn't even have 2 children. I was jealous and not very nice - I only cared about myself and my pain. N saw me crying and came over to love on me as only a sweet little barely 3 yr old boy can.

The entire trip home was one of tears. I couldn't understand the rejection yet again, why were we not good enough?

Time went on and I was to rejoice just weeks later as Becky and Steve brought home their sweet little girl. Then at the January support group meeting, we saw "our" baby, the couple who was selected was there with the newborn boy. That was hard, but on we went.

On March 10th, we received an email from our agency about a perspective birthmom who had come in for counseling very late in her pregnancy and they wanted to know who was willing to have their profiles shown. I was convinced this was our baby and even said so to Lance. Several things had happened that week that began to clear off my calendar and it all pointed to the fact that there was a reason for this.

On Tuesday, March 15th, the social worker called to let me know the birthmom would be calling that night to talk to us. She had chosen us, but wanted to visit some. Lance was gone that night with the youth, but I was ready to talk. I sat by the phone that night and when it rang I was so excited, but it was N's birthmom. I told her what was going on and we quickly got off the phone. I promised to fill her in later. The call never came....

Again devastation...disappointment.

I went to work the next day and was distracted. I had already told my coworker Jennifer to be prepared for me to leave because of the events of the day before. She was sitting in my office when the phone call came from the social worker. The reason A hadn't called us the night before was because she went into labor. Sweet relief! She still wanted us and she wanted us to head to Dallas. The baby hadn't come yet, but it would soon.

Jennifer and I quickly went over everything on my desk, I went to lunch with a friend that was already planned, and of course I couldn't talk about anything else but my sweet baby girl!

Lance was gone with the youth again that day (it was Spring Break) and so I ran home to pack and get everything ready! It was so fun to pick N up at school that day and say, "we're going to get your baby sister!"

Again, this time there was a peace that this would happen.

When we got to the hospital, my parents were waiting to meet us. They were their to watch N while we met with A. Unfortunately, that day she wasn't prepared to meet with us. The next day we did get to meet her, her parents and our sweet baby girl - she was beautiful - head full of dark hair and oh so tiny.

LeeLee's entrustment ceremony was held right there in the hospital. It was simple, but sweet nonetheless. Our parents weren't there this time, but N was and it was a beautiful time for our brand new family of 4.

Our family was now complete - the ache was gone from my heart!

Lots of other things happened over the weeks to come, but those are LeeLee's stories to tell when she is older. She is blessed to have an older half-sister Rachel who lives in Houston and we are thankful to God for her and her family.

I love what my friend Kathryn posted on yesterday's comments. She said, "I love to see how God puts families together - He is so creative." and yes, He is! All along our adoption journey, we would have so done things on a different time frame - and yet, if we had, we would not have our two sweet children. We would have had a completely different perspective on life. They have forever changed us and our family. Thank you God for having the best plan for us!

My worst fear

Click here for a recent story in the Dallas Morning News. This is one of my greatest fears as a parent along with the fear of leaving your child in the backseat of the car.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard these stories and thought,"what a neglectful parent" and yet....it can and does happen to anyone, even the best of parents. How many times have I walked 10 feet away from the tub to answer a ringing phone when I should have just let voicemail get it?

If you have a pool, get extra locks for your doors and gates. Even better, install a pool fence. If you are visiting in the homes of friends and families who have a pool, be vigilant while there. I love how this article mentions having a "water watcher" - it's like a designated driver only this person's sole job is to watch the kids around the water. No distractions allowed!

Please, please be careful - better to be a "crazy momma" like me than to become the next headline.

his story

Right about this time 7 years ago, Lance and I were vacationing in Colorado with my parents and my brother and his wife. Little did we know it at that time, but that would be the next to last time we would be an "all adult" family.

The last time we were together as "only adults" was a VERY painful day for Lance and I. We had come to Dallas for a required quarterly meeting at our adoption agency and we were meeting my family for lunch before we headed back home. This was the Saturday after 9/11 and of course, the whole nation was in shock. We had an extra measure of shock that day as we had been informed that some adoption laws were changing. While the purpose of these laws was good and right, to a couple who had been waiting over 2 years to adopt, it was devastating. We had already had 2 failed adoptions earlier that year and little did we know the very next week, we'd have another. To say we were in a low place would be an understatement.

In addition, I had my suspicions that my sister-in-law was pregnant, although this was not yet confirmed. Even though I was happy for them, I was so sad for me and in such a dark place that it was hard to be happy.

We lived thru the next failed "match" and as I cried on the phone to our social worker, she gently said, "Jennie, I know you don't/can't hear this right now, but there is another expectant mom looking at your profile." That might have cheered me up a few months previously, but quite honestly at that point, all I could see was that it probably wouldn't work out.

We waited a few days and then we got "the call". This young expectant mom did in fact "choose" us and wanted to meet us that Saturday. We agreed to meet in Buffalo,TX at the Dairy Queen. We were so excited and so nervous and really trying to be positive and believe this could really be happening. When you've waited so long, there is a piece of you that doesn't really think you are worthy of being selected and I was there. But....the minute we met E and her parents, that melted away. They were like us - they were devoted Christians with humble backgrounds - nothing fancy, just ordinary people in an extraordinary circumstance. We were all nervous.

When Adrienne (our social worker) arrived she helped us all to relax and steered the conversation. We found out lots of things/places we have in common and ultimately E decided she wanted us to adopt her baby. We couldn't believe it - we were overjoyed! And truly, I knew in that moment that this time it would happen. God eased my doubts and let me enjoy being an "expectant" mom. At this point, we still didn't know if she was carrying a boy or a girl and really, we didn't care!!!! Finally, E asked us if we wanted to know and we said, "of course". A boy, we were going to parent a boy!

The drive home from Buffalo that night was awesome (well, except for the fact that we left some photos in DQ and there is no exit after Buffalo for 15 miles!!!). We called our parents and let them know the news. While I was talking to my dad, he asked me to call my brother and let him know the news. So I did. Wouldn't you know it, that very night he and my sis-in-law had been over at my parents announcing their pregnancy. I think it was a relief to us all that our announcements came at the same time!

Over the weeks that followed, we visited with E both in her home and in ours. I remember trying so hard to "impress" her and being worried that our small home wouldn't be enough. But, E knew those things weren't what mattered, our love was the important thing.

Her due date was November 6th and we were in high gear getting everything ready. E and I had discussed several times that we really didn't mind when N was born, but that neither of us would desire for him to be born on Halloween!

About 4pm on October 30th, I was across the hall in a co-worker's office when I heard my cell phone ring. I ran, but I was too late to pick up the call. When I listened to the message, it was E's dad telling us she was in labor. Freak out begins here!!!! N ended up being born at about 5:15 that afternoon - E was blessed with a relatively quick and easy delivery.

I tried calling Lance, but he was at another church at a meeting and he wasn't answering his cell. I called our church to see if they could somehow get ahold of him. They couldn't either, so I hurriedly packed up my stuff and headed home.

Eventually Lance got home and we hurriedly packed for the trip to Dallas. It would be the next morning before we would meet N and oh, it was great!!! It was worth the heartache, the disappointment, discouragement, and tears and years!!! The next 36 hours would be full of errands and visits to the hospital. E wanted time alone with N to grieve and bond knowing he was hers for just a short time. Lance and I were thankful she was able to ask for this.

On Thursday night, November 1st, we gathered in E's home for the entrustment ceremony. This is a beautiful picture of the birthmom placing the baby in the adoptive family home. Ours was filled with poems, prayers, and words. The entire house was crying. Our family cried tears of joy and their family cried tears of loss and pretty soon, I was crying tears of loss as well. I could see this was not an easy decision for E. She had done this out of her great love for N. As we left her house that night, we were so nervous! Lance drove very slowly and we couldn't believe this tiny life was ours to love, cherish, and raise.

We had our son and the best part, he and E still have each other! They will always be in one another's lives and for that, we are so grateful. N is asking more questions these days about N. He needs her and that's okay with me. I am his mom, but she gave him life!

Sleepover

Well, we've done it. We've caved in to months of pressure from the boy. He has worn us down. We are letting him have a friend spend the night Friday night for the 1st time.

It happens to be our next-door neighbor's youngest son. We did this on purpose. If it doesn't work out, it's easy to walk him back home! We told N this is a test to see how he handles all the overwhelming excitement that is sure to descend on our house Friday night. If he handles it with all the maturity of a 6 1/2 year old, then maybe, just maybe we'll let him do it again before he graduates from high school!!!

Just kidding, we know we'll let him again, but the frequency will depend on his behavior.

I've sought advice on this subject for about a year now and have received a wide variety of responses. Some parents refuse to ever allow sleepovers for their children. Some only allow their child to invite a friend over to their house for a sleepover and yet others don't mind sleepovers at all. I think I'm a middle of the road kinda gal. I want sleepovers to be a special treat, not a weekly occurence. I also will carefully monitor whose home my kiddos will be allowed to spend the night in. So many issues have come up that I never really thought of before: guns (do they have them in the house? and if so, are they locked up?); what kind of movies/TV they allow their children to watch?, etc.

I want my kids to experience life and not grow up completely sheltered and naive about the world, but I also want to do everything in my power to protect them as well.

Any advice out there from any of you more experienced parents?!?

a little fun!

Christine has a funny video on her blog today. I wish I knew how to get this on my blog, but truly, you know, I struggle on the technology front.

I've got to be the only 36 y.o. on the planet who doesn't know how to download pics from my digital camera, text, or program a PDA.
My skills at the moment are limited to corralling my kiddos while doing laundry, heating up dinner, and listening to Lance at the same time!
Plus, why learn the technology we have now, when in a few months I'll only have to "think" and these things will "just happen" - yes, I'm waiting for that day!

On the Countdown!!!

We are going on vacation in a few weeks - yippee!!! We are going to South Padre Island and are very excited. I've never been there before and am really looking forward to the calm, relaxation. Lance has been several times so knows a few things that he definitely wants us to do, but I need some feedback for several things we are considering, but aren't really sure of.

Have any of you ever been to SPI and done the sand castle building lessons? This sounds intriguing to us as the kiddos LOVE sand castles, but we don't want to waste our $$$ if this is not really a great thing to do with kids?

How about the Pirate Ship cruise out of Post Isabel? Lance was down there a couple of weeks ago and he thought it looked pretty cool, but it's pricey. Has anyone been? Is it worth it?

We are definitely going to the beach, Schlitterbahn, and just relax! We have rented a little 2 bedroom/1 bath bungalow and it has it's own pool in the backyard along with a grill, so we are looking forward to having our own little private area where we can cook and swim on our own timetable.

On our way home, we will spend one night in Corpus Christi and do some things there. Any advice on kid-friendly things?

Hope you and yours have had a vacation this year or will soon---we all definitely need to get away from time to time!!

He's coming home!

Lance is coming home tonight from his last overnight trip of the summer! Yippee! I'm so excited. Although this summer has been the easiest yet with the kiddos, they're older, they went to grandparents for a week, it's still not my favorite time of the year! I really admire single mothers - whether it's a permanent situation or whether it's long-term temporary - like military wives or women whose husbands work somewhere else and don't make it home often. I'm a single mom every year in June and July and while I love it the first week, the rest of the time, not so much!

These are the things we do while Lance is gone:

swim, swim, swim

see movies - we've seen WallE (very good!) and Kung Fu Panda (not so much!)

eat sandwiches and chicken nuggets for dinner - yes, really every night, well except when we have mac n cheese!

read books, play games, ride bikes, go to the park

I have little structure and it is summer, after all - but I'm ready for him to come home and have a little more structure.

I try to make things fun for them while he's gone so that they are making happy summertime memories. The hard part for my kids is that our vacations will never be in June or July like the rest of the free world and sometimes you just need Dad around to talk to for fix stuff.

N is starting to get to the age that he needs his Dad around more and I think we are going to have to get more creative to make that possible.

My boy

My boy, his heart is a breakin'. Really. At the age of 6 1/2. Yesterday, we were talking about some friends and he asked me if they broke up. "Broke up?" where did he hear that? Then he tells me....

his girlfriend broke up with him yesterday! His girlfriend?!?!?

He had briefly mentioned to me over the weekend that he had a girlfriend, but then got very shy about it and didn't want to talk to me. I didn't think anything else about it.

I was sad for him, because he was sad. But, he couldn't even remember her name, so I'm not thinking it was too major! He's way too young for this - but I know he is such an outgoing and loving person that he is bound to have many, many friendships in his life with both girls and boys. And I also know, that some (most) of those will end at some point. I can't imagine the teenage years with him and his sister. Oh boy, those will be rough, I'm sure.

So, last night, we sat on his bed and hugged and talked about his day - the good and the not so good. He's beginning to grow up - he's noticing things he hasn't before. And that's a good thing, but a little piece of my heart is breaking knowing he won't be "little" much longer.

Chores - Who does them?

When Lance and I married (almost 14 years ago!) I was definitely the more clean freak than he. So, I did most of the cleaning. At first I didn't mind, but then when we moved to Brownfield, I was commuting 2 hours a day to work and I just didn't have as much time or energy to keep up with everything. And then the chore wars began. Since my standards are so much higher, Lance didn't understand why I expected him to clean since it didn't bother him to have clutter around. And looking back, I can see his point. But....it was really a simple thing and it would have made me so much happier, and so I wanted him to do it.

We tried chore lists, we tried other things, but bottom line, he didn't do the chores when I wanted him to. He likes to come home at the end of the day and rest, then spend the rest of the evening slowly doing his chores. Me, I like to come home, rush thru my chores, and then have the rest of the evening to PLAY! We're different like that. And for many years, it was not a happy co-existence in the area of chores.

But, then came kiddos, and my standards, well, they were lowered. They had to be - I could not keep up with the same level of tidiness when I had one and then two little people coming behind me and undoing my cleaning. So...now we divide and conquer. We each have our own chores and I know Lance will eventually do the ones on his list. If we are having company or if things are getting especially out of control, I will ask him to go ahead and do it and I don't think he minds so much, because I've let it slide for awhile.




This is one of my main jobs. It's funny when it was just Lance and I, I did laundry once a week. No big deal. When we added N to the family, I did laundry twice a week - no big deal. When we added L to the family and I mean from day 1, I now do laundry almost every day. How did one little girl change our laundry situation so drastically?!?

I also am the dishwasher loader/unloader; sheet changer, tidier-upper, duster, carpet vacummer, sink cleaner-outer, kid lunch fixer, clothes picker-outer. Basically, I'm the everyday cleaner that keeps us from living with "junk" piled everywhere.



Lance is the keeper of the yard. I have NO interest whatsoever in the yard other than pulling weeds. Lance is also our resident mopper, toilet scrubber, and bathtub cleaner. Even though I have way more chores to do on a daily basis, I'm okay with it, because quite frankly, I have the better jobs. He has the jobs I really don't like to do and so it works for us!

How about in your house? Do you have a system? Do you fight about it? What works for you?

Don't Even Think About it!

My sweet little L has an addiction.



It's her cassie (known to others as a pacifier). We recently went to the dentist and he mentioned, no TOLD me that she has to lose it. I know this. I've known this for over a year now. It's just hard. Very, very hard. L is a screamer, crier, mean-face maker gal when it comes to her cassie. We've banned cassie except at night and naptime, but occassionally cassie still finds her way back into L's mouth. Yesterday, my mom was trying to get L to lay down for a nap with the understanding that she could only have cassie if she was laying down. No sitting, no standing - only laying down. As they got quiet and comfortable, mom heard L quietly mumbling, "Don't even think about it. If you get up, no cassie!" It was like a little "pep-talk" in her head. It sounds like the ones I have in regard to Dr. Pepper. Don't even think about drinking that!

L also has some other cute sayings....

She likes to play a game called "Silence Says" - you might know it as Simon Says!

N built a cottage out of cushions this week. L says, "let's go play in Bubba's college"

The other day while playing doctor, I said, "are you dr. L?" to which she replied, "no, I'm Dr. Suess"

I LOVE the sweet voice of my 3 y.o. as she discovers more and more of the world around her. I love that she is passionate about things! I'm so thankful God gave me a daughter to love! I hope that one day L and I will have fun and enjoy being together the way I enjoy being with my mom.

My mom's mom was not able to be a very good mother and my mom missed out alot on some encouragement and unconditional love. I'm so grateful for all my mom has invested and is still investing in my life and the lives of my children!

Weekend of Spoiling

My Mom arrived in town Friday afternoon and has spent the weekend spoiling the kids and I. She always plans a trip once in the summer while Lance is gone. I enjoy visiting with her and having company in the evenings once the kiddos are in bed and the kids enjoy the special treats that come with having Nana here. She always has a goody for the kids and buys the Sunday newspaper for me. Before kids, I read the Sunday paper every week. Now, I'm lucky if I read it 2 or 3 times a year!

This year, she has been splashed on by the pool and grunted at by L. I'm not sure why, but L has decided to be a little pill for Nana. N has always favored his Nana since he was a newborn and enjoys cuddling with her although it's getting harder and harder to cuddle with a very skinny 6 1/2 yr old that barely fits on her anymore!

Thanks Mom for spoiling us and keeping us company while Lance is gone!

MommaJen for President!

Did you know I was running for President? Watch the video below and vote me in!!! I really appreciate all the support I've gotten so far and hey, if you vote for me, I'll hire you!!!

Fantabulous Fourth!

We've had lots of fun the last few days!

It all started Thursday with the dentist visit for the kiddos. I was very nervous about how L would do, but I was worried for nothing. The dentist said she was a little sweetheart - I was so proud of her!! N did great too, but he's an old pro!!

The kids and I headed to Plano for a few days of relaxation with Nana and Gpa. L experienced another first - fireworks! After crying to go home most of the evening (hey, it's hard for a 3 y.o. to wait for 9:30 fireworks!) she LOVED it once they started. She wanted to do it again as soon as they were over. She kept telling me that she wasn't scared at all. N made lots of new friends during the fireworks and had fun capturing grasshoppers and scaring Nana and I with them!

Saturday, mom and I went to the Southern Living House in Ft. Worth while Gpa and the kids went to the National Cowgirl Museum. It was a good day.

Sunday, I got the chance to catch up with Mary my high school friend whom I haven't seen in too many years! It was great to catch up and the time flew by! Now, we only have to figure out a way to get Kathryn to Texas!

Last night Lance made it home after 10 days away - the kiddos and I were very happy to see him home safe and sound!

Great weekend - hope yours was good as well!!

Pumpkin Seed Cheddar Flatbread

Tonight was an unusual evening. The kids and I went to the library (not unusual!) and picked out new books. Every. last. one. about trains!

Then we headed over to Discount Tire because one of the tires in Lance's car keeps losing air despite me adding it everyday this week. So, we wait and we wait and we wait some more. Finally at 6:45 we leave - we are the last ones there. But, they fixed the tire for free. This is one of the reasons we LOVE Discount Tire. These tires weren't even purchased there. This car is less than a year old and yet, they fixed it for FREE. The kids were extremely well behaved during this wait and read their new library books, but we were all starving by the time we left, so headed on over to.....


Jason's Deli - where else would you go when the two favorites foods of your children are mac n cheese and PB&J? We hadn't been there in awhile and I went to get crackers for L to munch on while we waited for our food and I found: Pumpkin Seed Cheddar Flatbread crackers. These are awesome! They don't look very attractive in the package, but yummy delicious! My friend, Emily blogged about her cookie experience at Blimpie the other day, so I had to share my PSCF cracker experience - yummilicious!

The bullies are back...

I'm sad for N. There are a couple of brothers in our neighborhood who insist on picking on him. These boys are 9 and 11 so they are much bigger than N. We had developed an understanding over the last 5 months with this family. We had little contact with them and things were "okay".

Yesterday, things changed back to the "old ways". I took the kiddos to the pool and this family happened to be there. The boys asked N to play with them and then proceeded to call him stupid and terrorize him. N doesn't swim well, so he generally either stays in the shallow end or he wears a life jacket in the deeper end. These boys were pushing him under the water. I was with L in the shallow end and didn't immediately see what was happening. Once I realized what was happening, I went over there with L hoping that with me near by things would get better. They didn't. So, I had to take N back with me in the shallow end until they left.

N doesn't completely understand what's going on. He just asked me "why do they call me stupid? I'm not stupid, I'm smart." In our family, stupid is a "bad" word - one that we don't use, so that's another issue for N - they are using a "bad" word.

I know this is part of life, particularly for boys, and N will have to be tough and able to handle this. But, as a momma, it makes me mad! And it makes me mad at their momma who was laying in the deck chair reading a book, oblivious to the whole thing!

Computer woes and addictions

Sometimes computers stink. I say this because I only know how to work on one, not how to fix one and mine is sick again for the second time this month - ugh!!! You don't realize how much you do depends on them working until you don't have one that works. It's like when your car is in the shop -you suddenly have a million errands to run that you didn't have the day before.

Addictions are hard. No matter what kind you have, it's a constant battle to overcome. I have a co-worker with a cigarette addiction - he is paying a steep price right now with his health because of this addiction. Hopefully, it's motivation to quit smoking, but if you've ever known or been someone with an addiction you know it's not as easy as just wanting to quit.

I've never struggled with drugs, alcohol, or smoking probably mainly because I never started any of those things. I had an uncle who had an alcohol addiction that killed him. I saw this play out in my middle school years and it had a profound impact on me and is one of the main reasons I never experimented with alcohol. But...my struggle is food. When I'm stressed or depressed or happy, that's where I turn. I don't like it, I wish I didn't, and I try hard not to, but it's a struggle for me. At times under better control than others. I used to think it was just an excuse when someone said alcoholics had a disease. I'm mean that's not fair to put it in the same category as cancer or some other uncontrollable thing. But...for that person, it is uncontrollable. I think having a support system and encouragement is so important when you are struggling. I know I did great last year on weight watchers when Lance was working on it with me. When he quit working, it was easy for me to slide. I need that accountability. I'm working on it.