Who does she look like?

The kiddos and I were swimming at the pool today. We ran into one of the families from N's soccer team. The mom and I have become casual friends. We enjoy visiting and run into each other from time to time at the park, etc. We have alot of common views on faith and parenting. So...as we are sitting on the side of the pool watching the kids play, she says, "Does L favor a grandmother or aunt? because she really doesn't look like either Lance or you." I smiled and paused and then said, "Who do you think N looks like?" Amy thought he looked like both of us and then I told her that we had adopted both of them at birth. She immediately gave me a high 5 - funny! and then said, well, N has the same coloring as you and Lance.



She is right and I have to say very perceptive. Most folks who have entered our life in the last 3 years and didn't walk thru the adoption journey with us always comment on how much our kids look like us! We just smile and say thank you. But, Amy obviously paid closer attention. And the reason for the high-5? She was adopted at birth as well. We had an interesting discussion sitting on the side of the pool. She had a closed adoption that was opened as an adult. She discovered her birthmom was an alcoholic and that she had a younger half-sister. Those discoveries were difficult for her, but she was glad she had the answers to her questions. Adoption is a journey and it's one that lasts a lifetime.

#75

Today is my 75th post - yippee!

I made a quick trip to Stephenville Monday afternoon and got back late yesterday afternoon. After 36 years living in Texas, I had never actually been to Stephenville. I hadn't been missing much. No offense to any Stephenvillites out there. Now, the drive there is very nice - lots of rolling hills, farmlands, cute little country towns - that I dig. But Stephenville itself - ah, okay.

Last night as the kiddoes and I were swimming in our pool - remember Target version, not greek goddess version, they wanted to show me some "moves". Some of these moves were in fact related to swimming, but some of them were "Kung Fu" moves! I'm guessing these came from Kung Fu Panda. It was hilarious as they grunted, and yelled and stuck out arms and legs in random sorts of patterns. Too cute!

N has been feeling slightly under the weather this week - not sick, but just not his usual "100% go" self. So, we've enjoyed a little more of some quiet activities.

I think this afternoon we'll be heading out to the "big pool" which means a slide - oh yeah, that is fun! L can go up and down the clam shell slide about 100 times in a row without a break - it's fantabulous!

Hope you are all having a great day!

And the winner is.....

Thanks to all of you who commented. My top three commenters were: Becky, Jennifer G, and Lacey - thanks ladies!

The whole reason I did this little contest was to find out who was reading my blog. I hope you will continue to read and comment when you either like something you've read or you can identify it - I don't expect a comment on every post!!! :)

And now to the winner....


My friend and co-worker, Jennifer. Go on over to her blog and congratulate her!

Jennifer is a great friend in my life and I'm so fortunate to be able to work with her each day! We have lots of things in common and the things we don't, we enjoy learning from each other!

Thanks for playing, ya'll!

Day #7 - The fam is home!

My family came home yesterday and I was so glad to see them!!!

We had a wonderful day yesterday and I didn't make it to my blog. Today has been another good day and between a baby shower and friends being over, I'm just now getting to my blog today. So.....this will be the last post to comment on and you have until noon on Monday to post. I will do the drawing then and post tomorrow afternoon on who will win the gas card.

Some of you have shown yourselves and commented and I appreciate that. Some of you continue to stalk and that's okay too - some of you have told me personally and that will have to be good enough!

Hope you all had a great weekend!!

Day #5

Today is Day #5 of my contest - we're almost done peeps! See Monday's post for details.


This has been a great week! I've accomplished LOTS around my house that would have taken me months to do with the fam here. I've watched some "chick flicks" and enjoyed time with friends. It's been relaxing, in a productive sort of way!

But....I'm very anxious for my family to get home. I talked to Lance last night and told him "no dallying around, get that car home fast!" I'm glad I had this week to myself, but it may be several years before I do this again - we'll have to see!

Lance called from Super Summer to talk to the kids Weds morning and according to my mom, L said, "I talked to my daddy and now bubba is talking to his daddy and we have the same daddy" - pretty profound from a 3 y.o. She also said, "Daddy's coming to take us to Momma" - like Daddy is nothing more than the chauffeur!!! :)

Tonight is Michael W. Smith and I'm very excited - I love his music and concerts are not something I'm able to do much when hanging out with the 8pm bedtime crowd!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!!

Anxiety Attacks - my personal experience

This post is just a bonus post because of the subject. I have a friend suffering right now from Anxiety Attacks and let me just tell you as a former sufferer (is that a word?) they are horrible. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If you or someone you know is suffering, please grant yourself or them some additional grace and patience.

Mine started during a very stressful time in my life. It was August of 2004 and my job was extremely demanding. I was working 40 plus hours a week and couldn't keep my head above water. I had a 2 1/2 yr old and we had just started the adoption process for our second child.

The day didn't seem that extraordinary in any way, I was actually at lunch with a friend when I started feeling "strange". I felt like I needed fresh air so I told my friend that I was going outside, but to come look for me if I wasn't back in 10 minutes. I really, truly thought I might die. I didn't have any pain or anything just an overwhelming fear of death. My dad has epilepsy and a thought did flash thru my mind that maybe I was about to have a seizure. I made it back to the table, but told her I needed to leave. I was desperate, but I went and got in my car and drove back to my office.

When I got back to my office, I continued to feel "weird". I was so out of it, I couldn't remember or find anything dealing with my health insurance. I had to call my coworker, Jennifer, and ask her to walk me thru it. I called Lance and asked him to come take me to the ER. He had a youth event scheduled for that evening and I could tell he didn't really have time for this - especially since I couldn't really tell him what was wrong with me.

When we got to the ER, they were very kind despite the fact that I wasn't communicating well at all. They ended up doing all kinds of tests, including an EKG and when the doctor was finished, he said, "there is nothing wrong with you. Are you under any stress?" I started crying and told him that yes, I was - he said, "I think you've just had a panic attack"

Panic Attack? I thought only "crazy" people suffered those! Lance took me back to my office and I gathered my things and went to get N. I had a 2 1/2 yr old to take care of, I didn't have time for a panic attack!!! I remember crying desperately on the phone to my mom that evening. We had been scheduled to go for a visit that weekend, but there was no way I could drive to Dallas in my condition.

The next month, I worked shorter days, had a vacation and yet....I was still suffering. I hated driving (which was completely out of character for me), I couldn't go to the high school football games (I thought the stadium would collapse), I would have to have Lance pull over the car occasionally so I could get air. It was horrible. After our vacation, I realized this wasn't going to go away on it's own. So, I went to see my doctor and cried through the entire appointment. She was kind and had suffered these attacks herself. She prescribed an anxiety med and also discovered my thyroid was way out of whack.

I really didn't want to take the anti-anxiety med - I thought it was a copout, but it gave me relief. I could take care of my child again, I could drive, and function. So, I continued on for about 6 months taking the meds and cutting everything extra out of my life that I could. I had several friends who had been through the experience share books with me and call and check on me from time to time. It helped to know that others I respected had lived thru this. I tried to go off the med, but everytime I did, I would have another "attack" or would be highly irritable - it just wasn't worth it for me to go off of them.

It's now been almost 4 years and I'm still taking the med. And that's okay. It is allowing me to raise my children and live a normal, productive life. I've even found I'm able to take on more things and have a better social life, without worrying about when the next attack will happen.

Everyone is different and everyone's experiences are different. The best choices for me may not be the best option for you, but you work through it.

I pray you never experience these attacks, but if you do, ask for help. You can call me or someone else. Don't keep it a secret! That only makes it worse. And even though when you are going thru it, it doesn't seem like it will ever end, it can. I'm proof of that.

Day #4 and Happy Anniversary!

Today is day #4 of my contest - see Monday's post for more details!

Today is the 9th anniversary of my brother, Paul and his wife, Mindy. Hard to believe it's been that long ago! They had a beautiful wedding which Lance was fortunate to officiate. In 9 years, they've lived in several apartments and built a house together, they have 4 beautiful children. Hope it's a good day for you both!

I got a little derailed on my projects last night - I began some painting projects! Don't worry Lance, I didn't start painting a room or anything! I primed a metal floor lamp that was my grandma's. I'm going to paint it and use a shade from a lamp the kids broke a couple of weeks ago. I think it will work well in our guest room. I'm also working on creating a contemporary, abstract art piece - we'll see how it comes out! And, to round off the painting, I touched up all the scuff marks, etc on our walls. So, tonight, back to our room and closet - hopefully, I will finish these and be ready to play and do laundry when the family returns!

Day #3 of Fill 'Er Up

Today is Day #3 of my contest. See my post from Monday for the details. Just a reminder, you get another chance to win for every comment you make. So, if you only comment one day, you only get one chance to win!

I finally put a counter and a live feed on my blog and it was interesting to see yesterday that I either have readers from the northeast or else they accidently stumbled onto my blog - which we all know is very easy to do. This blog thing is highly addictive!

This is the week Lance is gone to Super Summer and the kids are staying with their grandparents. I'm home alone! Monday night I was able to clean both of my kiddos' rooms from top to bottom, including closets - they look great! I was able to clean out broken toys, clothes that don't fit anymore, etc - I love the feeling!

Last night, was my Bunco group. We were in the country last night and it was nice. I'm a city gal, through and through, but I have to admit, the sunset was gorgeous, the air was cooler, and I love the sounds at night in the country.

Tonight, my plans are to tackle our room and closet but with strict orders not to touch Lance's stuff. See he doesn't like it when I throw his stuff away. I'm a purger, he's a hoarder - it can be a dangerous combination at times!!

Thursday night, I'll work on the kitchen and then try to dust and vacuum the entire house.

Friday night will be a fun night. One of my Bunco pals, Emily, invited me to go to a Michael W. Smith concert with her in Houston. She said it's free, so I'm in! If any of you gals in the College Station/Houston area are interested in going with us, you are definitely invited, just let me know!

I miss my family, but I'm enjoying the time I have and trying to make the most of it. I want to be ready to play and love on them when they get home!

Day #2 of Bloggy Contest and another HB!

Today is day #2 of my contest designed to "flush" out some of you stalkers. See yesterday's post for details of my $50 gas card giveaway!

So far, I've gotten 2 extra people who have never commented before, but I know there are others (because you tell me in person!!!) So, come on people, increase your chances of winning by leaving a simple comment.

Today's regularly scheduled blog is dedicated to my oldest niece, Taylor. She is turning 13 today - awesome! I still remember the phone call telling us she had been born -Lance was at youth camp (imagine that!) and we were excited to know that Jordan would have a little sister!

This is Taylor, her older brother Jordan, and my kids N and L - this picture was taken last year at our adoption agency's annual spring picnic.




Taylor is a good "big" cousin to my kiddos - she reads to them and plays with them and only gets slightly annoyed with them sometimes. Hey, she is 13 after all!

Tay-Tay, we love you! Have a great day!

Quirky, Quirky! and Fill 'Er Up! and Happy Birthday!

This post is chock-full of information!!! So read on, people, read on!

I've been tagged by my friend, Kathryn to name 6 quirky things about myself.

Wow, this will require a bit of thinking!

1) I love, no obsess, over a clean house. If I was fabulously rich, I would have a maid, ala "Alice" from the Brady Bunch who lived with us and wiped toothpaste out of the sink after every brushing...

2) I have to have a straw when drinking from a restaurant cup. I can't put my lips on their cups

3) I'm early or on-time everywhere I go. I loathe being late! Sometimes while at Baylor, if I knew I was going to be late, I just wouldn't go to class.

4) I don't believe in call waiting. If you call while I'm on the phone to someone else, I won't answer the phone.

5) I don't know how to text. Yes.really.I know it's 2008, but I don't know how.

6) I also don't know how to upload pictures from my digital camera. That's why you don't see many pics on my blog. I have to wait for Lance to do it!

There you have it....6 quirky things..now, on to my bloggy giveaway!!!

Since I know I have some blog stalkers out there, I'm having a contest to see if you will show yourselves!!! Oh yes, people, I'm going to give away a $50 gas card. So while it won't probably fill up your tank, maybe it will buy you a gallon or two. Here's how it goes....

I'm going to post one post everyday for the next 7 days. You can make up to one comment a day for a total of up to 7 entries per person. I will put your name in the "hat" as many times as you comment this week and draw from those who comment.

So, all you lurkers, here's your chance!!! If you don't have a blogger ID, just put your name in the body of your comment. Once I draw the winner, I will ask you to email me with your mailing address, if I don't already have it!!!

And finally today, Happy Birthday to my nephew, Ollie. Ollie is 3 today and is quite the little ham. I think he's trying to give N a run for his money! Ollie loves cars and trucks and especially jeeps. He has 3 sisters and is definitely trying to keep the testorone level high in his house! HB Ollie!

Exhaustion

Christine writes on her blog today about something that is very real in parenting. It's hard work. It really.really.is. Sometimes, things go very smoothly - everyone is healthy, happy, and all is right in the world. But, sometimes....it's not. The last couple of weeks have been that way for me. It has to do with a whole lot of things piling up at once....

L gets ear infection
Momma's work load is increased
N starts a new summer program
Lance is gone ALOT

This week was VBS which meant more late nights and rushing around than this momma normally likes! It was a one week deal and now it's over - now to the relaxing part of summer!

One of the things we learned about prior to adoption was the feelings of being a parent and what we deserve - Entitlement. By this, I mean....we've waited forever to parent, we're so excited and so ready, but....do we allow ourselves to admit we're tired, worn out, and frustrated some days. Does that seem so wrong? We've wanted these children, now how dare we not embrace and love every moment? I'm so glad we were counseled about these feelings or I may not have expected to have these feelings. Does it mean I love my children any less? Nope. It means I'm....human. I have selfish desires just like I did before I was a mom. I'm much better able to put my desires to the side now, but somedays, oh yeah, what I wouldn't give to just be by myself all day long, read a good book, and nap!

Hang in there during those tough days - if you haven't seem them yet, you will! It makes me appreciate the sweet calm days even more. I love my children, I'm so thankful for them, I want to do right by them, even on the hard days. I want them to grow up and remember that mom was "real", not perfect. I want them to know that I loved them and did the best I could for them, but that sometimes things are just not perfect, because we're not perfect. God loves us anyway.

Friends

Aren't friends great? I've been down in the dumps the last week. I've had several frustrating things happen at work that have seriously impaired my ability to do my job IN THE BUSIEST TIME OF YEAR for us! No, I'm not bitter or anything!!!! Well, my friends have noticed that tone in my voice and have given me extra grace and patience this week. I'm so thankful for that!

N is a lover of people - I can't wait to see how God uses this quality in him as he grows. I pray he will use it to love others in a way that some of us find challenging. I pray that he uses it unselfishly, not just in a way to be "popular". Of all the exciting things he's gotten to do so far this summer (and he's already done quite a few), he is most excited about time spent with friends. Even more than going to the movies or going swimming. I'm so proud of him! He has made a new "best friend" at summer day camp although he can't remember the child's name yet - oh, those details!!! Us gals would know her name and her entire life history, but those boys....as long as they are playing and doing guy stuff, who cares about details?!?

L is beginning to have some little friendships. So far, she is much shyer than N - she still hides behind me when people talk to her, but she does talk about one little friend, Steed, all the time! She tells me about Steed's daddy spanking him and about how Steed didn't listen to her talking! It cracks me up!

Adoption

My friend Becky recently wrote a beautiful post on adoption and while my story is different from hers, alot of what she said is common in adoptive families. Click here to link to her beautifully written post.

Both of my kids have a unique story of how they joined our family. Both incredibly different from one another and yet God ordained the steps of their birthfamilies to bring them to be in our family. We are so thankful for the sacrifice and love that both Erin and Andrea showed. They helped to form our family and we are forever grateful.

N continues to enjoy a rich heritage with his birthmom and her family - they have included him in all the meaningful family events - he is truly a part of them and of us - we have celebrated high school graduations and weddings, we have mourned with them as they lost dear loved ones. He is blessed to have so many in his life that love him! N does not have contact with his birthfather, but we are hopeful that one day that will change.

L has the blessing of an older sister, Rachel - 11 y.o. who adores her. I always wanted a sister and I'm so thankful L will have one, even if she does grow up in a different home than ours. L doesn't have contact with either of her birthparents, but we pray one day that will change as well. Even though they are not able to be in L's life right now, we are thankful that they gave life to L.

Adoption is not a subject we discuss everyday in our house. We don't sit down and have "adoption" talks. It's more of a way of life for us. This morning while we were getting ready, N came in and said, "when you born me momma..." I gently reminded him that I didn't "born him" and without missing a beat, he said "that's right, when Erin born me..." As much as a 6 year old can understand, he does. I'm sure things will get more tricky as the kids get older and especially in the teenage years, but hopefully, they will always know they are loved.

VBS

This week is VBS at our church. Due to so many working moms, our church has night VBS and while this adds the wonderful blessing of having the dads helping out, it makes for a LONG week!

For those of us who work during the day and then have to get everyone fed, sometimes redressed and up to VBS by 6pm and then don't get home until 9pm, wow, it's crazy!

My answer to the craziness: I only work part-time in VBS. My commitment has changed over the years to best meet the needs of my kids and myself. Right now, Sun. and Weds nights are what L and I can do. N, he crazy loves it, as he loves everything! Of course, we did have to wake him up at 8am this morning - he was TIRED! And that was just after day 1. Today was swim day at his daycamp and I'm sure he will be tired, but he doesn't like to miss a thing and so I'm sure he'll want to go tonight!

L and I will work on laundry, dishes, and preparing for tomorrow and she'll get to bed at a decent time - yippee!

Lance directs the completed 6th grade group as these are the kids who will be in the youth ministry in August - he likes to start getting to know them and I think they like that he does VBS different for them - more "youthy" than "childreny" if you know what I mean! I help in here my two nights and really enjoy my time with them as well - it's fun to get to know the personalities that we'll be around for the next 6 years or so!

VBS - gotta love it, but oh we're glad it's only once a year!

super saturday

Today was "family" day at our house! This means no friends, just the 4 of us. This doesn't happen very often as friends are usually always welcome, but....this is the last day we have together for 2 weeks. That's a long time!

I'm used to the crazy summer schedule as that's the only one I've had since marrying Lance in 1994. Before kids, I used the time alone to watch "chick" flicks and work on projects. Once N arrived in 2001, things became the "single" mom life and when L arrived in 2005, things became even crazier. I have great respect for single moms who do everything and do it day in and day out - what a difficult job. I also have admiration for those moms whose husbands travel all the time.

Things the kids and I will be busy doing this summer while Lance is gone: swimming, swimming, and more swimming! My kids have turned into fish this year. L is especially good and adventerous in her aquatic adventures. Today she ventured off the "big kid slide" at Adamson's Lagoon. N is gaining more confidence and is stepping out of his comfort zone to try new things (like the slide today!)

The kids are also enjoying an additional week of fun this summer---a trip to grandparents for a week! They will split their time between my parents and Lance's. This is the first time they will go for 5 entire days by themselves. They will have a great time and I will have the opportunity to get some projects done and enjoy some time with friends and of course, work :(

Can you do this?

I've seen lots of skills performed while driving the last 20 years! Wow, is that really true? 20 years of driving - eek!

I've seen make-up putter-oners, shavers, newspaper readers, cereal eaters (yes, in a bowl with milk and all!). I had a friend in high school (Miss Mary Harkin) who could drive with her knees and then there are those who can drive with one leg sticking out of the car!! And of course, the ones we all do - cellphone users, helping a child in the backseat, etc.

But today, I saw a new one, I've never seen in my 20 years before....a crossstitcher!



Complete with loom, needle, and pattern book. And the crazy part, this was a lady in a big suburban with at least 3 kids in the car, including one in an infant carrier. Wow, she's committed to her crosstitch! Or perhaps, with 3 or more children, this is the only time she has to stitch!

So, what have you seen out there on the roads?

Momma guilt

Have you ever had a case of Momma Guilt? My guess is that if you're alive and a momma, you've had it.

I had a big case of it the last couple of days. It all started with L, my 3y.o., early on Saturday morning. She has started waking up extremely early lately. Saturday she not only woke up extremely early, she also woke up extremely cranky. Now, those of you who know my L IRL know that she can be a shy, hide behind her momma, sweet girl, but....she can also turn into the biggest diva you've ever seen. She is a fiercely independent strong gal - her momma is proud of this (usually!)

Saturday, nothing was pleasing L - from her breakfast to clothes selection, to the way I looked at her. I am used to this from L, but this was an extreme level. And it continued on into Sunday. So bad, that the kids and I didn't make it worship, only Sunday School. The tirade continued on at lunch, in the car, at home....By 3:40, I had had it and was ready to run away.

I can honestly see how child abuse can happen. I've never hit either of my children and I wouldn't, but I definitely yelled and ran away yesterday. I tried locking myself in my room for 5 minutes, but L was beating on the door and I caved after 1 min.

The guilt?

Well, turns out sweet gal has an ear infection....she's in pain. What would I do if I were in pain and 3 and a little tempermental to begin with? I might be a little monster too!

This morning, cheery L greeted us - everything was happy, all was right with the world. She was back to calling my "silly momma" and the girl I adore was happy again.

Why oh why, don't I figure these things out? I should have known something was wrong!!! Perhaps next time, I'll get it sooner! I hope!